This post is being “dripped” in because my husband and I are away for the weekend. Just the two of us. No kids. A friend of ours is getting married and the wedding is in the Door County Peninsula.
Wisconsin looks like your left hand. The thumb is Door County. We haven’t been there in nearly 10 years, even though it’s only a few hours away. We could have brought Hannah along, and she would have had a great time, but we chose to go alone and spend some time together as adults. I call this parent respite.
Most of the time when foster or adoptive parents use respite it’s because one of the children is acting out and disrupting the family. Respite is not easy to find, and can be expensive, so most parents don’t use it unless they absolutely have to. It’s usually a last resort.
In our case, this date was scheduled, and while Hannah has been a bit of a stink lately, we are not sending her to respite because of her behavior, but because we recognize that we need time together as a couple and time as adults. This is also a belated anniversary gift/celebration since our anniversary happened while Hannah’s brothers were here. Having three respite kids is not exactly conducive to romance.
Hannah is going to my friend Elaine’s house, and she is thrilled. She loves Elaine and her family, but she also gets to see the young woman who was here for respite earlier this summer. She does not feel like she is punished for anything, and that is a key to this. We are not going to punish her, but more as a reward for ourselves.
Sammy called home for his weekly call tonight, and while they were talking I heard Hannah say:
“Mommy and Daddy are going to a wedding all by themselves and I’m going to Miss Elaine’s house.” They’re going just the two of them. Can you imagine?”
I guess we don’t do nearly enough of this or Hannah wouldn’t be so shocked by it. Or maybe she’s shocked that we want to spend time together, after all aren’t grown up pretty boring? We did do more of this when we had Sammy because Sammy’s needs were so much higher and it was easier to get burned out caring for him.
I have provided parent respite to friends several times. Sometimes it’s easier for one parent to get away on their own. My friends have come to relax at my house and get away from their kids. Sammy has not been home during these times so they are not dealing with raging kids, and Hannah’s usually pretty fun to be around, so they don’t mind coming to my house. We also live out in the country so it’s pretty quiet here and the closest town doesn’t even have a stop light, and only has one fast food restaurant. However, there is a day spa to visit. While it may not be a fancy hotel, the getaway usually just what the parents need. They are not dealing with the insanity of their own home.
Schedule your own parent respite when you can, even if it’s only going to visit a friend. You might come away refreshed and renewed. Can you imagine?